So this gal has all the gear of a "bicyclist", looks very together and quite ready to hit the road with her zippy bike. I named the bike Dart and actually very much love riding this cool, bright bike. This blog is not really about hitting the road and riding at all. This is actually about the art of not being jealous, or holding resentment to the people in your life.
A few months ago my husband and I brought a Peloton into our lives, and to be honest it completely changed his. Not mine.... He lost like 30 pounds, on a good day I hover around down 15. He was so committed to riding everyday and to be honest I struggled to find the motivation. It became so I resented his continued focus on riding the freaking thing.
Then the seasons started to change and he was officially ready to start riding outside. Dart was his gift to me and to be honest I was excited/freaked out. I am a "faller", clumsy and I tend to have really bad luck in regards to injury. We have family members that are super healthy and really into riding so the idea of bonding over this was fun but also quite daunting. They were seasoned competitive riders, and he was all Peloton high, and sadly I was a recently laid off person with no focus, but hey I had to do something. So we started hitting the road in this manner and I liked it but again I felt like I was not really up to par.
I started letting my "sore legs" or "bad hip" get me out of the rides. These really did feel like legitimate reasons at the time, but actually were ways for me to avoid doing something I didn't feel confident in. The final stages of this whole thing was I decided to tear into Brett about his focus, and calling it an obsession.
The reality of this is was that I was resenting his success on the bike. It did not matter if it was a Peloton or a road bike. I resented his growth because I was not there, and honestly was not sure I could ever get to that point. The art of this is accepting the jealousy, letting it go and knowing the my behavior was really not okay.
Yes, I am allowed to feel those moments of doubt but ultimately crapping all over someone for their success is just shitty. (Pun noted and really intended)
Right now is a tough time, so my lovely husband is giving me a lot of grace. The question is can I give myself some grace too? To accept that it isn't a competition. It is about health, joy, finding new beautiful spots and enjoying each other in a way we have not before. So embracing the art of being jealous and learning how to re-purpose that energy will be my focus for the next few weeks.
P.S. Thank you, for being you Brett
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